Re: [holo] 為什麼死神Calli可以兼顧收錄跟實況？

※ 引述 《AdmiralAdudu (嘟嘟嚕都大都督)》 之銘言：
: 　
: 今天凌晨 死神Calli上傳了三首愚人節新歌
: https://youtu.be/Cs2Ns8u5Agg
: 　
: 除了使用變音器讓聲音變男性外
: 重點是跟死神往常會混日式曲風不同 這次是真正硬派的街頭Rap
: 尤其是第三首 整首歌都在講在速食店遇到蔡逼八打工仔的事情 超好笑

因為我覺得第三首My Reality的白爛歌詞太有趣了
所以決定用我多益N1分的菜英文嘗試翻譯歌詞給洽眾看看
推廣一下讓大家一起笑一下

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Morning started off kinda lazy
I hit the Jack, rolled out of bed
And stepped on a straight thumbtack (Ow)
I thought, "Damn, this day is turning out like a bitch"
What could make it better? Shit, I know, a fucking chicken sandwich
I left the house, hit my favorite joint
Where the bread ain't all that soggy and the chicken on point
Through the doors I explode, like dynamite (Bang, bang, bang)
The drool is flowing like my bars, and I want that bite

早上醒來有點懶 我抽根菸爬起床 結果踩到一顆圖釘
我想說"哭喔 今天有夠衰" 然後決定去吃個雞肉堡調適一下心情
我出門去我最喜歡的店 那家的漢堡包不會軟爛 雞肉又超正點
我像顆炸彈一樣充滿精神地衝進店裡
口水跟我的Flow一樣滿溢而出 我現在超想吃雞肉堡的

*Hamburger跟Sandwich之間的關係: 所有麵包夾肉的構造都算Sandwich 但是只有夾絞肉餅的能算Burger 又僅限於夾牛肉的能叫Hamburger 所以雞肉堡的英文就是Chicken Sandwich不能說Chicken Burger(除非有我不知道的雞絞肉餅漢堡)

Walked up to the register with swagger and poise
I find myself in front of some scrawny teenage boy
Wouldn't be surprised if the kid was one of my fans
So I lower my glasses and stare as long as I can
He says, "Uh, sir, can I take your order?"
I woulda called him kinda cute if he was just a bit shorter
I rolled my eyes though because I gotta keep my cool
I say, "I'm tryna get a fucking chicken sandwich, fool"
He looks at me with dead eyes and now I wanna punch him out
But I hold back my pride 'cause this still bad for my clout

大搖大擺走向收銀台 在我面前的是一個瘦逼巴青少年
想說他會不會是我的粉絲 所以我就把眼鏡稍微拿下來一直盯著他
他說"痾...先生 要點單嗎?"
如果他再矮一點我可能會覺得他滿討喜的
但為了保持我酷酷的調調 我轉了轉眼珠
我說"我要一份雞肉堡 傻逼"
他用一副死魚眼看著我 搞得我很想扁他 但為了我的形象我只好忍住

He says, "Do you want fries", I say, "The fuck you think?"
He says, "Another dollar fifty, you can choose a drink"
I say, "Okay, let's get a Cola", he says, "Sorry, we're out"
"Well, fuck it, guess I'll get a lemonade", I started to shout
He asked me, "Do you want a small or large?", I said, "Large, man"
He says, "Alright, that's gonna be another dollar then"
I rolled my eyes and say, "Fine, I'll get the small"
He says, "Will that complete your order?" Like he ten feet tall
I say, "You didn't ask me for the size of the sandwich or the fries"
Cashier boy reviews the shit, says, "I apologize"
"If you want the special small combo, you get a discount"
I say, "Alright, that sounds kinda nice, but what's the fry count?"
"Uhh, something like eight fries", "Nah, fuck that shit"
"I've had it, go ahead and get your boy a big super size"
"Okay, sir, would you like an apple pie or dessert with your meal?"
I look the bitch in the eyes and say with nerves of steel
"I'll take a soft serve ice cream"
"Cone or a cup?"
"Give me a cone, bitch, order done, now shut the fuck up"

他說"你要配薯條嗎?" 我回"啊不然咧!"
他說"再加1塊5毛就可以再多一杯飲料喔"
我說"可以 那我要可樂" 他說"抱歉 可樂沒了喔"
"操! 那我要檸檬汁"我的音量越來越控制不住
他問我"你要小杯還大杯?" 我說我要大杯
他說"好的 那樣要再額外加1元"
我轉轉眼珠 說"算了 小杯就好"
他問我"這樣就點好了嗎?" 不知道在屌三小
我說"你又沒問我雞肉堡跟薯條要多大"
他確認了一下然後跟我道歉
"闔家歡特別小套餐 會比原本便宜喔"
我說"聽起來不錯 那這樣薯條份量大概多少?"
"痾...大概8根左右..." "幹你娘咧!"
"好了啦 給我來個超大份量"
"好的 那你要配蘋果派或其他甜點嗎?"
我用堅定的態度盯著這雞掰人的眼睛"我要一份霜淇淋"
"要用甜筒還是杯子裝?"
"我要甜筒 點完了 你可以閉嘴了"

"Total seven ninety-nine, sir", hand him a ten
I don't even count the change, just stare at him again ('Cause I'm rich)
"Keep the mayonnaise out my fucking sandwich, boy
Or I'll tear the roof off the place and leave it destroyed (No mayo)
He says, "I just put the order in, we gotta redo it" (What?)
I say, "No way in hell", he says, "I'll tell the cook", "Bitch, I knew it"
Lazy ass little kid got me looking like the bad guy
Take my seat and wait for my chicken and fries and
Fuck, shit, in my anger I forgot my drink
The empty cup is waiting on the counter right by the sink
I grab the motherfucker 'fore I hit the ice machine
Slam it hard against the button, what comes out? Nothing
I say, "Y'all out of ice", Another worker comes out
He says, "My man, I get the message but you don't gotta shout"

"總共7塊9毛9" 我給他一張10元鈔票
我又開始盯著他 根本懶得算找回的零錢(因為老子有錢!)
"小子 我的雞肉堡不要加美乃滋 不然我把這裡掀了"
他說"訂單已經送出去了 這樣要重新點單"
我說"甲賽啦" 他說"那我去跟廚師講一下" 靠杯我就知道!
他剛剛就是懶得去講而已 搞得好像我是奧客
我坐下來等我的漢堡和薯條做好 才發現 幹 靠杯 我剛剛氣到忘記裝飲料
我去拿了櫃檯上的空杯子走到旁邊的製冰機
用力砸下按鈕 結果 幹 什麼都沒出來!
我說"你們沒冰塊了啦!" 另一個店員出來了
他說"不好意思我了解了 可是請麻煩不要跟我們這樣大吼大叫"

He brings out a bucket of ice, I stay there tapping my foot
He pauses for a minute saying, "I forgot where it's put"
I grab a handful of ice and shove it into my cup
He looks at me like I'm a basket case, like I give a fuck
I smash the lemonade button, thank God this shit ain't broken
Grab a lid and a straw, hit the table, then start smoking
Little ice boy looks at me and says, "You can't smoke here"
I stand up again and tower over him to invoke fear (What's up bitch?)
Except the ice dude is just about my height
I rolled my eyes, flicked the cig, and say, "I get it, alright?"
Sit back down, where the fucking chicken sandwich at?
And start regretting my decision, I don't wanna get fat
Another ten minutes pass, I see my joint on the counter
Shit, I forgot that they don't bring it to you, fuck all the cowards
Now the soft serve is melted and the chicken is cold
Looking desperately at all this bullshit I was sold
But fuck it, grab my meal, make my way to the table
At least I got my fucking food so now I'm feeling stable

他拿出一桶冰 我就在旁邊跺腳看
他頓了一下自言自語"欸我忘了這個要放..."
我直接上去抓了一把冰放進我的杯子裡
他一臉覺得我是肖欸 我才懶得屌他
我用力按下檸檬汁的按鈕 還好這台沒壞
拿一個蓋子和吸管 回到座位開始抽菸
冰塊仔跑來跟我說"這裡不能抽菸"
我站起來想用身高壓迫他讓他害怕 但冰塊仔卻跟我一樣高
我轉轉眼珠 把香菸收起來 說"好啦知道啦"
我又坐回去 啊我的漢堡咧?
突然又開始感覺後悔 不想吃那麼肥的東西
又過10分鐘 我才看到我的餐點在櫃台那邊
媽的咧 我忘記他們不會幫你端上來 一群廢物
結果冰淇淋都化了 雞肉也涼了
我絕望地看我花錢買這什麼鬼 但管他的 我拿著我的餐點回到座位
至少我終於拿到餐點了 現在感覺踏實多了

Little grin on my face 'cause the shit still looked good
Make myself a little napkin bib as any thug should
First I go in for a bite in this chicken delight
The first thing I taste is mayonnaise, I'm ready to fight
I shout, "The fuck did I say about no mayo on my order!?"
Cashier kid shouts, "I forgot to say the change costs a quarter"
"Y'all are charging me for taking something off the food!?"
And now the manager comes out and says, "Sir, you been rude
And now you gotta go", "What? But it's not my mistake"
He's got a scowl and a mustache, and hair that looks fake
I call him out and say, "My man, I got bills to pay
I got a life to live, and all you got is a toupée"
He threw me out after that, did not go down with no fight
I left the bitch with a scratch, he left my arm with a bite
They shut the door in my face, the sandwich still in the place
I headed to the city ward so I can make my case
At least I'm going there now because recording is finished
And my hunger is real, and my drive is diminished
The moral of the story is, kids don't order food
Because the shit will leave you salty and in worse of a mood

我爽到微笑 因為其實東西看起來還是很好吃
我貫徹屌男風格 弄了個餐巾圍兜
咬下我的雞肉堡 結果第一口就吃到美乃滋的味道! 輸贏啦!!
我大吼"靠杯啊! 我剛剛不是說不要美乃滋嗎!?"
收銀仔也喊回來"我忘記說改單要收25分了"
"什麼鬼!? 叫你們少放東西還要額外跟我收錢!?"
經理出來了 他跟我說我態度不好要趕我走 "三小? 啊我又沒錯"
他眉頭緊皺 臉上有一排鬍子 頭髮看起來很假
我跟他說"欸我也是要討生活過日子的 啊你就只需要煩惱你那假髮"
然後我就被趕出去了 但當然不是無事發生
我讓那個拉基受了點撕裂傷 他則咬傷我的手臂
他們直接把我轟出去 我的雞肉堡都沒拿出來
我前往市區準備寫歌靠么這段經歷
至少我現在收錄要結束了 正要準備去那裡吃漢堡 我是真的餓了 已經沒什麼動力了
這故事的教訓就是各位不要去點東西吃
因為機掰事會讓你心情賭爛一整天
-

整首歌都在靠北爛服務
寫實到不禁讓人懷疑是不是死神的親身經歷XD

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不至於吧 不是只是形容我的英文程度嗎？ 字不一樣也會踩到嗎